TEDx Speaker & Best-Selling Author Reveals How To Cultivate Resilience & Positivity In A Crisis
A Heart-to-Heart Special by Creativesatwork
Keynote Speakers: Ms. Yeo Sha-En, MAPP
Founder, Happiness Scientist
TEDx Speaker & Best-Selling Author
14-Minute Read
Contributing Writer: Nicholas Ng
We Have All Been Heavily Affected By COVID19.
The Gig Economy suffers even more ups & downs now, as companies pull back on hiring freelancers.
With loss of clients & lesser engagements, as freelancers - we find ourselves wondering when we’re going to land our next engagement, so that we can earn income & pay off our financial obligations.
Even as the pandemic continues to improve, the overall economy is going to take longer to recover.
Many of us still feel unsettled, not knowing when COVID19 is finally going to end so that we can go back to a life that seems normal again.
Meanwhile, it’s only too easy to feel worried, stressed & anxious, & it can be difficult to feel positive, which highlights the importance of cultivating resilience & positivity.
Discover proven, easily-actionable strategies anyone can use to instantly switch into a better emotional state, stay peaceful, feel less anxious & bounce back quicker.
These are strategies which have helped built resilience in thousands of freelancers & backed by research on positive psychology.
Join Tedx Speaker, Best-selling author & psychologist Sha-en, as she spills the beans.
How To Start Feeling Positive Emotions Again
One of the best things you can do to help yourself - is to join a supportive community.
As like-minded members come together to encourage each other …
Everyone feels better from reduced feelings of loneliness, knowing that “we’re all in this together”.
e.g. If you’re into Personal Development, join a Facebook group with such members.
Share your experiences there & you’ll be surprised at the amount of help you receive!
Finding Inner Peace In Uncertainty
Indeed, this can be a real challenge during unprecedented times, like the current pandemic.
After all, much time has passed but COVID19 is still around - & it seems like we can’t do much about it.
While COVID cases are now at a minimal low, the job market isn’t gonna recover any time soon.
The same way job seekers wonder when they will finally find employment, freelancers think about how they can accelerate the process of acquiring new engagements.
In the process, it’s only normal to feel anxious & stressful, & we get so tired of everything over time.
Now, what we need is to regain inner peace & positivity.
Before we dive deeper, it’s important to know how our brain operates when there’s danger.
What Happens To Our Brain In Times Of Crisis
Let’s think of our brain as a multi-lane highway, with 2 parts: the Rational (‘Logic’) & Emotional (‘Feelings’) parts.
In a crisis, all lanes in the brain are reduced to a single small road, MASSIVELY jammed with various priorities.
Next, the Emotional part (“Fear”) hijacks & the brain into FIGHT (“Resist”) or FLIGHT (“Run”) mode.
The mind gets clouded, negative emotions take over & we may not be able to discern what’s best for us at that point of time.
This is how people begin to make decisions – out of fear. Remember the news on panic-buying & stocking up on instant noodles, rice & toilet paper etc?
To overcome this, we revert this small road - back to multi-lane highway again, so that we’re clear-headed again.
This calls for cultivating resilience, adapt & flow along with the times. At the same time, this does NOT mean changing who we fundamentally are!
How To Cultivate Resilience & Positivity
Part 1: Develop Mindfulness For Clarity & Focus
“Mindfulness: Paying attention intentionally in the present moment, & non-judgmentally, knowing this moment would not come again.”
When unpleasant events happen, it can be difficult to get back into a state of calmness, awareness & presence.
E.g. When someone bumps into us, do we lash out, or be gracious & understand that it wasn’t done on purpose?
Our response depends on our interpretation of what has happened: When we respond in a hostile manner, we’re immediately out of a “mindfulness” state, which cripples us from understanding what is in the present moment.
Instead, communicate what is observed, & not judge. So how do we return to the present moment?
Answer: Respond with mindfulness. Here’s how.
STEP 1: PAUSE. Slow down. Feel what’s weighing us down inside - mentally & emotionally.
STEP 2: BREATHE. Take 4-sec deep breaths. If your mind wanders, simply return to the moment.
STEP 3: CHECK. Notice any thoughts & emotions you have.
STEP 4: RECOGNIZE. Acknowledge emotion(s) in STEP 3 & label this emotion.
E.g. “I feel tired / relaxed”. (*Remember: We don’t have to make the emotion(s) ours)
Along the way, regardless of how you’re feeling, accept that it’s all normal. The aim is to be aware of our thoughts, feelings & breathing.
Take longer, deep breaths, so that our brains get enough oxygen to function properly & create the state of calmness, awareness & presence.
This brings us to the next stage.
Part 2: Cultivating Resilience With Mindfulness
This refers to remaining composed, clear-headed & objective in a crisis - & making decisions that move you forward.
Cultivating resilience helps us develop more focus &:
Calms the nervous system, which controls how we feel & respond.
Short-circuits & accelerate automatic processing
Brings emotions back to baseline to understand
Aid decision-making with clarity & objectivity,
This enables us to continue building & maintaining good relationships with our prospects. We come across as being more in the present – with them, & for them!
Focus On What You Can Control
3 things which make or break us: our Words, Thoughts & Actions.
e.g. How much water we can drink: When we don’t drink enough water, we feel more sleepy..
e.g. COVID: We can’t control how the virus spreads, but we can keep safe by masking up when in public places.
Focusing on what we cannot control e.g. the weather etc – only makes us unhappy & miserable.
Instead, reframe the situation.
Life is always easier when we focus on what we can control. Suddenly you’re in the driver’s seat & you have choices.
Choose to get caught up in what we can do about ourselves.
So make the effort to think about the one thing you want to focus on now - that’s within your control.
There’s more.
Part 3: How To Adopt A Growth Mindset
“The belief that learning and intelligence can grow with time & experience.”
Let’s remember that our weaknesses aren’t permanent & do not define us - as long as we commit to improving ourselves!
To achieve this, we need to adopt a Growth Mindset, which is the grit behind a strong resilience & commitment, that shifts us from ‘stagnation’ to ‘action’.
The Growth Mindset operates on the premise that brains & talent are just the starting point, & that learning & intelligence can grow with time & experience.
This view creates a love for learning, & a resilience which is essential for MASSIVE success in life.
Taking on a growth mindset helps us ride the waves effectively in tiding over a crisis & involves positive self-talk:
• “Failure is an opportunity to grow.”
• “I can learn anything that I want to.”
• “Challenges are there to help me grow.”
If any of above resonates with you, congratulations! You have a Growth Mindset, & you understand that in order to grow, you need to step out of your comfort zone & do things you might not be comfortable with.
Now contrast this with the Fixed Mindset, which operates on negative, disempowering beliefs such as:
• “Everyone is better than me. I should just give up & forget about it.”
• “I’m not meant for this”.
• “I only go for things that are easy.”
Such thoughts don’t help you get better & only “remind” you of why you cannot do something.
If you find yourself stuck in a fixed mindset, here’s what you need to do:
Use The Growth Mindset To Break Limiting Beliefs
Limiting Beliefs hold us back from doing something – & limit our potential in the process (hence the name).
We all have them.
Here’s what’s important: When we believe our abilities are limited, we’re less likely to take action & make progress.
When we allow disempowering beliefs to control us, they send us down a slippery slope to make us stay where we are – while other people continue to progress & get better.
A “Growth Mindset” challenges Limiting Beliefs & turns negatives into positives by asking solution-oriented questions:
Instead of “I can’t afford it”, ask “How Can I Afford It?”
Instead of “I won’t be able to get new leads for my business during COVID19”, ask “How can I get more leads during COVID19?
See how this turns a negative into a positive?
Another way is to Reframe: “So what does this mean for me?”
Original: “Everyone around me has learnt this skill except me! Can I really do this?”
Reframed: “I need to change my learning strategy to learn this skill!”
Original: “I got retrenched from my company.”
Reframed: “This is an opportunity for me to start my own business.”
The result? We regain & place the power of choice are a state of ‘choice’. We now have control over the actions we want to take, & we feel empowered, positive & happier.
Feel Positive Emotions In Tough Times
Feeling positive emotions has an “undoing” effect on stress levels, increase good feelings, broadens our perspective & we become open to new ways of solving problems.
When feeling a negative emotion, one simple way to quickly bounce back is to do something that makes you feel the exact opposite.
Stressed? Watch a comedy & have a good laugh. Feeling sad? Do what makes you feel happier.
This way, we can undo mental & physical stress, & shift us back quickly into a positive state of mind to feel emotions e.g. Happiness, Excitement, Gratitude, Joy etc.
To achieve this, we must learn how to cultivate resilience. Here are 3 ways:
1. Practice Gratitude:
Practising gratitude is highly effective in building resilience.
When we feel grateful, we’re more likely to become open to new ways of doing things & seeking help.
A simple way to practice gratitude is to appreciate life’s simplest pleasures (e.g. enjoying a cup of tea etc).
Acknowledge that there are still good things & people around - even when there’s so much negativity going on.
Another way is reflect & pen down 3 things, events or people we’re grateful for today, & WHY.
E.g. “I’m grateful for Flexi-Work Hours because I can get more done & spend more time to understand my family.
“COVID19 has killed so many people. I’m glad I’m still alive & well.”
Freelancers can practice gratitude by reconnecting with former clients with genuine interest, support & empathy.
This might be difficult & unnatural at first …
BUT: The More You Do So, The Easier it gets.
2. Believe in Hope:
Hope is what makes life worth living & meaningful. It’s what gives us strength to go on.
What’s important is to NOT lose hope: we must never say “NEVER” because when we do so, we unconsciously assign a finality to it – even when a situation is continuing to get better!
Nobody knows when COVID will end, but the best thing we can do now is to stay optimistic & hope that it would end sooner.
Feelings of hope are the starting place for taking action. Let’s all take a moment to remember how we’ve come so far in life, & overcome one challenge after another.
You might be wondering: but what makes us feel hopeful?
Answer: Setting goals. Giving ourselves something to look forward to.
Remember: Hope drives action, & we’re more likely to search for answers when we feel hopeful.
3. Create Moments of Happiness:
We can all agree that “Don’t worry, Be Happy” is among one of the best emotions we want to feel.
But finding something to feel happy about in tough times isn’t easy because feelings of joy are felt when suffering is removed.
E.g. Remember the joy we felt when earlier circuit breaker measures were lifted – so that we could finally visit people at their homes?
But do we need to wait for such events like these before we start to feel joyful?
Instead, we can create our own ‘Moments of happiness’ e.g.:
• Acquire new customers during COVID19, Learn a new skill.
• Bond with your family members & loved ones.
Whatever the outcomes, celebrate them because you took action.
This places us in control of how we can make each day turn out for ourselves.
Setting Goals As Part Of Resilience
As mentioned, setting goals gives us something to look forward to, interrupts negative thoughts & distracts us from negativity.
A simple ‘S.M.A.R.T’ way to set goals:
• S - Specific
• M - Measurable
• A - Achievable
• R - Realistic
• T - Timely
E.g. Goal: Reach out to 10 former clients & ask for referrals in ONE week.
At first glance, it can seem like a very HUGE & daunting task. But all we need to do - is simply to break it down into simple action steps.
With each action step taken, we feel better about ourselves as we move along.
So here are the action steps:
Step 1: Identify the 10 Clients
Step 2: Find their email addresses.
Step 3: Plan, craft message & send.
Step 4: Respond as appropriately.
Step 5: Thank them & ask for new referrals.
Pretty Simple, isn’t it.
Next, prepare ahead by listing down possible obstacles & how you would overcome them, before they happen.
E.g.
Obstacle: I sent out 10 emails, but no one is replying.
Solution: Maybe it went to their junk/spam mail & they’re busy & that’s why they have not replied. Call them!
This way, you’re prepared when obstacles happen - rather than be caught unawares. Your emotions will also not be as intense & you will be in better capacity to deal with situation(s).
Once again, this points us back to one word – RESILIENCE, isn’t it? There’s more.
BONUS TIPS:
If it is a pattern in your life to finish an entire task at one shot, we urge you to ask if this is what you really want?
If yes, keep it this way. But if you want more balance & spread, try accomplishing more in short spurts instead i.e. Stay fully-focused for a good 25 minutes, followed by a 10-minute break, & repeating the process.
This way, you remain resilient & accomplish what you need to do – while not wearing down your body.
Acknowledge how you feel, think about what living this way of life means for you.
FINAL NOTES:
Cultivating resilience & positivity in a crisis is easier said than done. But it’s possible.
Practicing mindfulness & Focus on what you can control. Switch to a Growth Mindset when we have negative thoughts. Ask solution-oriented questions such as “How can I overcome this” etc. See failures as lessons you can learn. Reframe what you can’t change.
Practicing gratitude, nurturing feelings of hope & creating moments of happiness are highly effective in bringing back positive feelings & building resilience. Set new goals, have a plan & problem-solve ahead of time.
Now that you have the strategies & resources, it’s time to put them to good use. Remember we always have a choice not to feel stuck or suffer in quiet desperation.
Stay Resilient, Stay Positive. Cheers Mate!
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